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THIS JUST IN!: Harper Govt Announces HarperHomes!

In a stunning move today, the Harper government once again put on display for all to see the compassion for which it is so well known.

Acknowledging that there is an acute shortage of social housing, it announced that it will be supplying 2-person tents to exactly half of Canada’s homeless population.

As it would seem abundantly clear that Canada’s homeless probably also are income assistance recipients, declared the Harper government, the necessity of paying the shelter portion of social assistance cheques no longer exists, therefore these are being terminated.

The Harper government explained its latest show of compassion in the following press release:

“We promised to tackle the affordable housing situation and we have. We are supplying 2-person tents to half of Canada’s homeless population. We are doing this instead of supplying each person with a tent so that in wintertime the extra person in the tent will add needed warmth. These new HarperHomes will provide all the shelter that Canada’s homeless people need.

In addition, we are eliminating the shelter portion of homeless persons’ income assistance cheques. This will save approximately half of our total budget allotted to income assistance. By so doing we can usefully direct the savings elsewhere, such as towards more military equipment in order to better protect Canada’s peoples.

Canada’s homeless need not rush all at once to thank us with their emails and donations to the Conservative Party of Canada. Just remember which political party most deserves your vote in the next federal election. Merry Christmas!”

Questioned by reporters as to where the homeless should pitch their new HarperHomes, the federal government retorted, “It’s not yet illegal to sleep outside nationwide. They can go somewhere deep in the forests, preferably the further out of the way, the better (for them). In addition, we haven’t yet brought down legislation banning food banks, so the homeless will still be adequately provided for in terms of victuals.”

Business leaders immediately hailed the HarperHomes idea as a “revolutionary advance in the provision for Canada’s homeless peoples” and leaped over each other in their rush to congratulate the Harper government on its brilliant display of its magnanimity.

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About Rolf Auer

I’m this doofus who’s trying to get by as a know-it-all poet. Fighting poverty has long been an abiding interest of mine. Sharing fast, easy, low-cost recipes is but one way of doing that.🙂
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